The Key of Promise

I was reading the book pilgrims progress and I gained a practical application to issues I currently am conquering.

This Key of Promise Idea is amazingly true. God's promises are sure and can unlock the gate of despair, we need not be tortured or depressed any longer than we desire, for if we but pull out our promise we can return right back to the path, it doesn't ruin us to fall, or make mistake.

We can get back up, God can and will redeem your wasted time, money, energy, life!

 He can do amazing things, He specialized in restoration. But you can't just despair, you are injuring yourself and making yourself more feeble once you continue. Christ is always reaching out to lift you out of the water. But you have the key to leave despair and your doubts of success behind.

When we fall, we can get right back up, and God will take care of our failure, He will take our losses onto Himself and free us from the troubles.

Your hard work and growth DOES NOT disappear when you fall.

Get up, your mind is becoming more like Christ's, your failure does not undo it all.

We can learn, we can write down and pray about the steps we took to giving in, and watchfully use them as beacons of warning for the next time. Satan's traps don't have to succeed, if we are watchful and hold the hand of God when we begin the day, we need not stumble.

 "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out,

“Lord, save me!”

 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him.

“You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

Mathew 14:29

So I must ask... Why do we doubt?

Why do I doubt? Has Jesus been unfaithful?

No.

"Tell Jesus your wants in the sincerity of your soul. You are not required to hold a long controversy with, or preach a sermon to, God, but with a heart of sorrow for your sins, say,

“Save me, Lord, or I perish.”

There is hope for such souls.

They will seek, they will ask, they will knock, and they will find.

When Jesus has taken away the burden of sin that is crushing the soul, you will experience the blessedness of the peace of Christ."

Our Father Cares, p. 99.

The "digital cocaine"

This is going to be spur of the moment and hard to read, but I'm tired and I hope it makes sense. Its kind of a rant. But I felt a need to do it right now, so if it speaks to you, its not me that really said it.

One of the reasons I have not been on the internet is because I am trying to kick the digital cocaine.

The hardcore drugs that ruins peoples lives aren't found on the streets, they are found in the phone in your pocket, they are on the tablet or computer on the table.

The internet is a great way to connect, but it has an even greater power to ruin your usefulness and you productivity.

A few years back I got off Facebook
-reasons why

I got of instragram
-selfish gratification
-following on girls i liked
-each hit or I would wait for new posts
-made me disatisfied with life

YouTube-ive been fighting still
-im more determined than ever to not let it ruin me
-so so much time, even doing educational things wasn't enough, the focal was still virtual
-I still couldv'e spent that time in hours of prayer, or study, or working on my family or friend relationships
-instead i was again searching and scrolling till I got my next hit

Pinterest/snapchat/ect.

-I keep mentioning these "hits" but these hits are everywhere, that what the internet companies use to draw you, or "hook" you become like a junky

-I have had an experience with porn addiction, and the same scrolling till i was satisfied, the same feeling I get from these websites reminds me exactly of what it feels like when I mindlessly scroll and surf through pinterest pictures, or facebook/instagram profiles, or youtube videos. Always that next hit, and I always wondered why I was weaker against resisting porn urges after I was on social media, or youtube, its because the same base animal passion that leads me to indulge in sin is activated by this indulgence and over stimulation/

 Social media is a stimulant, just like caffeine, to get you hooked, gives you pockets of highs, and leaves you yearning, for more, and we come back for more. The modern cocaine, the modern caffeine is the on the internet, we find ourselves craving the next post from a certain someone or the next video from that channel, or a new "dream" idea to pin to our board... its all a fake life, we aren't doing the things on the videos, no one looks as good as they do online, we know deep down its just castle building to think we will make money to afford traveling the world, so why do we keep fantasizing, why do we feed our carnality?

Our desire is perverted. We were designed for greater things. Go read Patriarchs and Prophets, the chapter "School of the Prophets", and chew on it.

The devil has his "School of the World" online, and we have entered in our emails.

We escape to this virtual world before we escape to the arms of our Savior.

We get spare time and we don't pray, we pull out our phone.

Tell me I am wrong. We love the world far to much, and we love these idols to much to change.

God has big plans for you, you just need to stop wasting your time and go to Jesus, He is waiting.

Now go read that chapter. Then pray and by His grace reform. Then press on.

A heart?

Just got back from a night out with my family and I thought I would share something that happened to me.

Its not something that other people saw or even really did. It happened on the inside, I realized something, it hit me, and I am thankful.

I was saying goodbye to my family and there was the hustle and bustle of all these people around us at the theater. My brother in law was trying to get my cousin on a racing arcade game, my sisters were tending to my little run around niece. The lights of mini arcade around, and people laugh and talking, just young people and families like us.

Then I noticed something, out of the corner of my eye, a girl puts her arms around a boy and bumps up to him, just a display of affection. But as I came next to my family, I noticed the girl and boy were young, maybe just starting high school. The girl was all over him and thoughts came. Not of contempt, or displeasure because they are way to young for that, but what I felt was pity.

Why pity? I looked at that boy maybe, 15 or 14 and I saw myself. I looked at the girl and I saw those girls I  tried so hard to care for but in the end I couldn't muster real love that was void of self. I  looked at this young, obviously premature relationship, and saw my mistakes.

But now seeing this young girl, she was excited. To have a boy to hold her was probably something she longed for. She must soak in the affection words he tells her. She dressed to impress the boy, showing off a little, just a tease to make sure his attention was on her. This girl will end up hurt like the many others before if something doesn't happen.

I turned my gaze away after the glance, burdened with frustration at my past, at society, at sin.

I walked out to my car across the wet parking lot, a little cold. A car waves me to go across ahead of them. I get to my door, open it and sit.

"Calm down" I tell myself. "What am I feeling" as I sense this strange unfamiliar feeling.

Why don't I despise that boy for using that girl. Why don't I look down on her for dressing so immodestly.

I search myself, and I don't see the contempt and condemnation.

 I feel for that girl, I feel sorry for her, I pity her, I love her and want a better life for this young soul.

This burden is not mine, this pity is foreign to me, do I really care? I can't remember caring before...

"Could it be possible that I finally have a heart?" I thought to myself.

It hit me, and I started to cry. I recognized that this is how the God of Heaven and Earth has felt about this girl, and frankly each girl that is out there. He longs to intervene and explain the better way.

I am proof of that. I was once that boy with a girl on his arm. And I can't change the past, but I can change the future thanks to God rescuing me.

God saved me, He can save them, He can save you.

Love is doing His job.

"And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him." (I John 4:16)

Pray right now for this young couple. For the girls whose hearts are broken, and for the boys who regret the pain they cause.

God will save the world.

Mind reading

I am a mind-reader. 

I can look at you and tell you exactly what thoughts you are thinking. Problem is... I am most likely wrong.

But I make my assessment of the knowledge I have, what I sense you have been saying in your body language. I remember past conversations and constantly mull them over to see what motivated you to say those things. I try so hard to find out whats really going on in the persons head I am speaking to.

Why? 

I think I am afraid of failure, or losing some sort of competition that engages in each interaction I have. I collect data in as many ways as I can in the hopes that I will always know more about the person I am speaking to then they do about me.

I want the advantage, so I plague myself by not just jumping to conclusions but practically fighting my way to them through a forest of conflicting data points.

Reality is that I don't understand. Things aren't one or the other, they can be both. People can hate what I am doing and still love me or vice versa. I put everything into box and label it and then when I actually talk to a person and my label is wrong I am shocked and afraid because I lost my advantage.

This is most likely a little confusing to most people, and is simply something I have had problems understanding myself.

But is their a solution? Is it wrong to assume things? When do you have enough evidence to make a sound judgment?

We have all these things to think about. 

What I am working on now is, just ignoring my assumptions, and just communicating.

Turns out, people aren't as bad or threatening as I almost want them to be. I am wrong often, to my humiliation, but to my relief.

But you know, I have a FACT that solves all of these problems.

God is interested in my relationships, in my life. He takes my interests and binds them to His own. So where I assume and imagine, He sees clearly and discerns. He guides me when I look to Him. In the night He is a pillar of fire where I would normally be blind.

I have many benefits, many good things. Let me ponder and analyze those things instead. 

That is a key to right thinking, and a solution to overthinking. 

We think constantly for a reason, we shouldn't try to drown it out or escape from our own minds, but direct them to different thoughts. It is not impossible to think about positives and be honest with yourself. 

Its a battle each moment and we lose seems almost endlessly, but as long as we are still thinking, as long as our mind still processes, the war is not over.

I wanted to fail?

 For those of you who don't know, I do ministry. I go out and talk to people and distribute literature. My least favorite part of it has been the fact that In my particular case it is mixed with a scholarship program thus making money involved. Its hard to ask for donations. But there is a reason for it and I wont get into that right now.

I wanted to share a difficult but revolutionary experience that happened to me recently:

The morning of this day was normal, getting up, trying to have devotions but fighting against my desire to sleep. Ate breakfast, tried to have devotions again. Struggled through prayer and read a little bit and felt a little more confident than usual that I was ready to go canvassing.

We had a bit of drive to territory and I decided to listen to a sermon. I like to listen to sermon because it gives me something fresh to share in conversation.

As we got close to the area we were going to canvass I started getting anxious, which was usual. We prayed and had our time exchanging prayer requests. Then drop off started.

I was thinking in my head:

"please drop me off last, or at least later, so I can prepare longer..."
"Maybe there isn't enough big businesses, so I will get something less stressful."
"Im not a high seller, they wont put me in the busy places."

Then I heard something that really surprised me, I was out next with two others, and I was supposed to do the store parking lot, indefinitely...

I was crushed.

I can't do it, was my first thought. Why would you put me there. I am not fast enough, or good enough. Its uncomfortable for me and it wont work.

So I got out, hazed through prayer and meandered into the parking lot...

I say a guy, and walked towards him, then he turned away from me and started putting something on his truck. I got scared, and didn't want to bother him and walked past thinking I will just catch him when he finishes.

I walked right past him, then past another person in there car, and another person... and another...

"This is not where I should be" I thought.

"I can't even talk to these people."

And down, down, down went my thoughts. I couldn't possibly do ministry here, people don't want to be bother by me.

Maybe I can pray about it.

"Lord?" I muttered.

Empty. My words were empty.

I didn't want to pray... This is just not where I should be.

I didn't want to do this parking lot. I didn't want to reach these people. This wasn't worth the effort to me it seemed.

"Why am I here. I cant do this simple thing as talking to people. I profess godliness but am unwilling to get out and face rejection. What kind of Christian am I?"

I decided to sit down under a tree, it was hot outside, sun shining all over. On the side of the parking lot I sat. After a while of thinking and pressing my soul for what was happening, I decided to go inside the building.

Walked over, passed more people, felt more terrible for passing them. Got inside, people passed me, I acted like I was normal, but my heart burned, I was so ashamed.

Went outside, and decided I was wasting time. At least my leader can put me in a easier place and I can do something. So I texted my leader and asked to be moved.

I waited... no response.

Went back to my tree and sat down...

"I fancy myself a missionary but I can't do this thing for others. Do I really love the Lord, do I love these people. why do I let them all go, I know I have what they need..."

"I am a hireling. What purpose do I even have in life if I can't face discomfort for Christ's sake."

I felt like Elijah, under the tree. And I did what Elijah did, I gave up.

I was useless, I had failed, what am I since I can't do this small thing.

My mind was rampant, I was spiraling into depression and I couldn't see any reason to move. My purpose in life was sharing this news and I couldn't seem to do it.

"God!? What do I do?"

My head physically began to ache, the pain was if I was going to die. I had lost life it seemed. Tears came, I was finished, as low as I could imagine myself.

Then, amazingly, amidst my flurried thoughts and despair came light in my darkness.

A quote, as if God was saying it to me:

"Often your mind may be clouded because of pain. Then do not try to think. You know that Jesus loves you. He understands your weakness. You may do His will by simply resting in His arms." MH 251.5

So I chose to stop. And imagined myself, not in a parking lot, sitting on a lamp post next to a tree, weeping in despair, but simply in the caring gentle arms of one who Loves me.

Immediately, nothing seemed to matter. my failures, my sorrow, my tears, these people, my canvassing directs, my books, my life.

I just rested, and as literal as the scripture says, peace that passed all understanding.

I simply existed in that moment.

My life was not over.

I will live for this Love.

The world, empty.

I have currently just spent the longest time alone I have had in a while.

Lonliness, emptyness, does the idea deem inviting or repelling.

As I write this I have just been looking around at pictures of abandonded building and I am watching a documentary called Uranium: Twisting the dragons tail. And in this documentary there is a section on Chernobyl.

Places like Chernobyl have always intrigued me, a reset world. The visible reclamation of nature. Its empty yet so full, full of thought and of potential. Being alone to me is inviting in many ways, to think to myself, to do what I want, to go at my own pace and achieve what I want to focus or unfocus.

I wonder about the life after this, surely I will spend time with others, but will I have the place to be alone in some forest, or other planet. Who knows.

I think the prospect of an abandoned world is intriguing to many, fiction has played off of it for years.

Is it the beauty of stillness? Is it the plants that inevitably claim the walls?

Or is it freedom?

Freedom from material, from stuff... from the schedules, from the hiding your feelings, from the choices that are, in the end, insignificant.

Peace, something that comes when less things get in the way of what we really want to be doing.

Now, when we carry around our guilt or our worries and fears. It stresses our life, it keeps us from peace and being able to enjoy the important things.

Now when one turns to God, God has provisioned to remove those things, and given us a process to follow.

Then when we abandon these things, leaving them to God, peace comes. we can look at our seemingly empty life and finally do what it was meant for, what is our life meant for?

many people dont even know what they would do without having overwhelming worry, guilt and fear.

But when you encounter God, then life changes.

Abandon Self.





(Kinda just half asleep wrote this, hope it makes sense)

Allah or Jesus

The book Seeking Allah, Finding Jesus is an amazing book.

Its a beautiful telling of the authors transition from a devout Muslim to his encounter with Christianity.

This book was a gift at the door while I was canvassing and I appreciate it so much. I learned so much from the book and it has helped me understand Islam much much better. I feel like impractically knew nothing about it after this book.

It impacted me to the point that I have an even stronger burden to share Love with Muslims more than ever.

I appreciate Islamic culture so much, and much of there devotion is inspiring. This guys story was such a blessing and now I feel like I understand a whole part of the world.

The book is very thorough, breaking down many aspect in not just social thought between east and west, but also why Christian theology is so close but yet so far from Islam.

I don't really want to spoil it, just get one or borrow it from me.

If you know any Muslims, you don't need to try correcting them, start as Christ would, by treating them like family and eventually the time to share the Gospel will come.